A hard to resist feeling…

I know that I shouldn’t be doing the things that I’m doing and I shouldn’t be looking for you to accompany me but I really can’t hold back. I’m actually afraid of losing you. I’m so scared that you would leave me with no one there for me anymore. I wonder what you feel now that you know my feelings for you. You never say a thing and I wouldn’t dare to ask you anything about it. Luckily I still have you treating me normally up till now…I wonder how long it will last. I just don’t wish that it would end.

I am actually jealous about the girl that.Although you told me that you and her were just friends and nothing more than that, I felt that you actually still have feeling towards her. Maybe I am just sensitive but whenever I asked you about her you would just laugh and is like you’re so happy. If it is true that you’re happy I wish that you would be happy all the time even if I don’t think she is the best type of girl for you, but if you like it nothing would come in your way. I just felt pity for the way that she is always forcing you to do things that you don’t like. And I don’t like it that she did not let you have a sis…I just wish that if you ever found someone please don’t you ever forget about me.

You said that I don’t listen to your advice and that I don’t think that you’re important to me but how much do you know about what I feel deep down inside?
You want me to do something that I’m so afraid of. I know you care for me, that’s why you ask me to give him up but I know that I can’t do so because I know that I will be so afraid of it. At first I thought you were just kidding but I never thought that you’re serious. You know one thing? I never like having the feeling of insecure. Maybe that is why I don’t have the courage to give him up because I know that I need someone to love me and be mine yet I know very well that you can’t do that because you can’t accept me for who I am.

It doesn’t matter whether you can accept me or not. What matters most is that you said I don’t think you’re any important at all. It really hurts to hear you saying that. You have no idea how much I care for you and how important you are to me. Sometimes I felt so bad that I really want to tell you what I feel but I just can’t. I don’t want to give myself a false hope and I don’t want to make you feel bad either. Most of all, I did not have the courage to face the possibility of losing you. I don’t want our relationship to change, I like it the way it was where I have a brother who cares so much of me.

And please don’t be mad at me…..you just don’t know that you mean the world to me. I am so afraid of you being mad at me…I never liked it at all. I told you I don’t know why but I know myself why I felt like that. I love you, H….although I never say it but can't you feel it?