How would you feel when the only person that you felt truly cares for you just left you alone with nothing and no one? It felt as though you’re so lost but you could not do anything about it. You’ll just have to take it no matter how hurt it is.

I have many things that I wanted to say to you but I don’t know whether I still have the chance to tell you. I’m so afraid of telling you because I’m so afraid of losing you. You say you’ll always be there for me and I believe in you because I know you’re different.

Lately, I felt that you’re so cold. You don’t care for me like how you always did anymore. I know why you are like this, but I don’t understand why you have to be like this? I was asking myself was it right to tell you what you’ve asked.....but I was just being honest to you. I know you won’t like it but I didn’t wanna lie to you. After all, you’re the one that force me to answer you.

It’s been almost 2 weeks you did not talk to me, there were some time where I felt so sad and wanna talk to you but you’re not there anymore. Your lil sis misses you so much…..and she wanted to tell you so badly that……..

I saw you smiling alone while holding my hand
I wonder what make you feel the way you did
I wanna be there by your side until the very end
I just want you to hold my hand and held it tightly
I promise I won’t make you cry no more
Hoping that you would have faith in me…

I heard a song called “White Windmill” a moment ago…..although I don’t really get what the song is really about cause I don’t really understand the words but some of the words in there are so touching and how I wish there is someone who will say those words to me. Since there isn’t anyone to say it…I’ll just have to say them to myself :(

wo zi yau ni shuo “wo ai ni”, yong yuen de ai zhe wo, bei wo zou dao zui hou

Apakah itu cinta? When we love someone, do we tell them that they are so noisy and bring so much stress to us or do we take our time to listen to them and talk to them even when we are so busy? When we loves someone, do we make them cry and tell them that they are so childish for crying or do we understand why they cry and try to make it up to them? When we love someone, do we wait for them to call or we would call them whenever we think of them?

What exactly is love? I haven’t found the answer yet but I’m so sick and tired of it. Hate it when it takes away the joy and happiness that we have and turned it into tears that never dries. I was thinking, is there anyone in this world who truly take love for real? Or is it all of them are just playing around with it like it’s a toy? I know that it make you lost your senses and for a moment you might just forget anything and everything in the world….then you’ll eventually wake up and notice that it is just an illusion. Why does love always make a person suffer?

Seberapa salahkah diriku
Hingga kau sakiti aku begitu menusukku
Inikah caramu membalas
Aku yang selalu ada saat kau terluka

Seberapa hinanya diriku
Hingga kau ludahi semua yang ku beri untukmu
Tak ada satu pun perasaan yang mampu membuatku begitu terluka

Namun ku terlanjur mencintai dirimu
Terlambat bagiku pergi darimu
Bagiku terlalu indah perasaan itu
Tak mudah untukku menjauh darimu

Telah ku coba segala cara
Tuk bahagiakan kamu
Merebut hatimu
Namun tak semudah yang ku bayangkan
Bila kau tak inginkan ku tuk di sisimu

Tak pernah kurasakan sebelumnya
Menginginkan dirinya hingga ku tak kuasa
Meyakini hatiku bahwa ku mampu berlalu

Namun ku terlanjur mencintai dirimu
Terlambat bagiku pergi darimu
Bagiku terlalu indah perasaan itu
Tak mudah untukku menjauh darimu

Namun ku terlanjur mencintai dirimu
Terlambat bagiku pergi darimu
Bagiku terlalu indah perasaan itu
Tak mudah untukku menjauh darimu


I was listening to this last night and I felt that this song is so like how I felt about myself right now. Kinda notice something since last night…that I am nobody and is not important at all. It’s like I’m worthless and anyone else matters but I don’t. Anyway...I will get used to it I should since it always happened this way. I wonder when am I going crazy or maybe I am already already a lil crazy.

when a woman loves a man

What happen when a man loves a woman? Is it the same as the way when a woman loves a man? Would he go all out and do crazy things just for your love? What is actually the difference between a man and a woman emotionally?
Sometimes I felt that I hated man so much…because they are never true, never sincere and only wants the ‘other side of love’ which is so not fair for the ladies. I actually lost my faith in any man…but sometimes like what people always says…love just comes in your way and you would forget about anything and everything. You would fall for the person even if you don’t want to.

I don’t want to love him because I am so disappointed with him…the way he treated me and the way he lied to me. I remember him saying that I was the only 1 that never make him sad but the next day he totally forgotten about me. Tell me how can I trust a person like that? However, it just came and I just fell for him again. I tried to know him more but I got no way but to be someone else since I couldn’t get a chance as I am. I guess now I’m not the one that never make him sad…..because I just told him who I really am and I think he would feel……I don’t know. I just wish it wouldn’t distract him from his test. I am dumb for doing so…I’m stupid for telling him who am I and I am sorry for hurting you if I did. Even if I did we are even….fair!
But I had a great time talking to him for the past few days...it's like as though he is sincere and truthful in what he says. That was the best part of it. And its good that you wanna change...I wanna change too.

The End of A short live story

Tears are rolling down my eyes when I saw what I saw on Tuesday…..but I just pretended to be OK and that it as though it’s nothing. I told him straight what I felt for him and I think it would be the last time. He replied me this time but it’s something that I didn’t want to see actually. He told me that he had someone in him life and asked me to forget him, I just said isn’t it easy telling me straight to the point…but actually inside of me it’s another story.
The next morning I woke up and I found that I was really sad…it’s like as though I’m so lost and I don’t know what to do. Now I can’t do anything…can’t even see him because he doesn’t want me to. Felt as though like I’m being treated like an invisible person all over again. It hurts so bad. I don’t mind if he tell me what he says, at least I still take it as it was but this is just too much for me to handle. I hate it always ends up this way.

Have you ever felt for someone yet you know it won't end up the way that you wanted it to be?
Sometimes I felt so happy becasue he is always there for me yet I know no matter what happen I can't say yes to him because I know very well that I am not the type of girl that he wants.....because there's many thing inside of me that he don't know because he can't see and I know very well that he won't and can't accept it.
I told him that I treat him like a brother and he call me lil sis but sometimes my heart just wanted him to know what I really felt for him.
He once asked me why did I treat him like as though he's my bf....but I just answer him no..I only treated him like a brother. I don't think he believes me but he just kept quiet and never ask me anything about it again. I really wanted to tell him what I hide inside my heart but I just can't.
I think he felt the same as what I felt for him but he won't let me know because he once told me that he doesn't wanna be hurt and he doesn't have the confidence in him.
I just wish he could always be there for me like what he is doing right now...I really appreciate a friend like you dear H......